I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
