I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
