You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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