How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
