Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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