alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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