I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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