This is not my ceiling
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Boobs are out for the taking
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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