Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
