Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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