dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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