Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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