I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
