Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Randomize
