Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
