where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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