remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
