the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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