I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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