Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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