My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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