My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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