Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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