I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
