well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize