so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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