Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
