Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
