im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
