My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
