dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
