She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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