I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
