DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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