I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
