she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
