i was born a porn star she said
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize