Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
