Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
