he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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