I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
