The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
