there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
