Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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