I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
