3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
