i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
