You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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