We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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