omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
