4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
