i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
