fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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