and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
