Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
