You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize