i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
