This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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