i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
