Pants 0. Shit 1.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
