Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize