According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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