Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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