let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
