I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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