Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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