you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
