I just made out with a guy for $7.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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