Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
